Perspective for the Future

I just realized something perhaps a bit profound – for me at least. And that is this, that it is not incumbent upon me that I come up with the perfect plan for living my life. That includes choosing the perfect career path to follow or the perfect course of study should I return to school to pursue a higher degree. I am in no way possessing the miraculous powers needed to correctly see into the future in order to devise a perfect plan of action. Rather, one who knows me intimately is even now directing my steps and taking me where He wills.

I wish to be more sensitive to the gentle tug and lead of His hand rather than wildly thrashing about in pursuit of seemingly endless possibilities for my future that threaten to drown me with their sheer enormity. My job is only to make my calling and election sure. As to what tasks I am to do…well they will be clearly assigned and duly noted when the timing is right. For now, I am to continue walking in the present light that I have been given, which is all He asks of me.

A Prayer of Confession and Supplication

Lord, I am sorry for abandoning my pursuit of you. I grew weary of the race and got off track. This side path is leading nowhere good, except to deadly drop-offs. Restore me Lord; hone my focus; cut off my sin, my idols. My life blood is from you alone. This other stuff is weakening and poisonous. My head is cloudy and my senses are confused. Be my rock, dear Saviour. Return the light of your love to my eyes before I faint. I am desperate for your oxygen; all other ground is sinking sand.

Forgive my sins, all that I have allowed to take over ground in my heart – destroy it! I know now quite well the symptoms of a wayward heart, and my heart reeks with the stench of them. Consume me with your holy fire. Breathe life back into my soul. Remove the chains of bondage I have attached to my wrists. Remove the shackles from my feet. Lord I want to dance before you with wild abandon. Receive me into your presence. Consecrate me wholly unto you. Teach me to live with a thorn in my side. Remind me daily that I live in a body of sin, that even though my spirit is willing, my flesh is weak. I must always be alert to that fact and put on your holy armor, so that I may take a stand against the devil’s schemes.

No doubt Satan has been tempting me to despair. He has sent his forces to try to devour me. I am far from “home”, exceedingly vulnerable, a prime target. Lord, do not let me fall! Bind me up with cords that cannot be broken. Weave and grow me into you. You are the vine and I am the branch. Do not allow me to be cut off!

Renew my soul. Fill my veins. Set my heart ablaze once more for you. Let truth be my light; let all else fade. You are my one and only and I worship you. May my life be a testimony of the riches of your grace. Remind me daily that I have been set free. You do not condemn me, therefore neither shall anyone or anything else.

Remove my shame and my guilt. Take off the veil of death shrouding my face. My face should be radiant, belonging to one who is not ashamed. I confess that that is not how I am living today. Rather than living boldly, I’ve been cowering in the shadows. The fullness of life that you offer has only felt like something out of reach, too lofty for me to attain. But the truth is I do not need to attain it, for you give it freely. It is already mine, just as your perfect peace that surpasses understanding is mine.

Lord, I wish to dwell in that peace. Come Holy Spirit and minister to my soul for I feel near to death, lost and afraid. Be my comfort and my strength, for I want none other than yourself. There is that lump in my throat that prevents me from breathing deeply of the aroma of your presence and your promises. Tear out my sin. I’d rather bleed to death in righteousness that to continue “living” in this way. May the thoughts of my mind and the words of my mouth be pleasing to you. Selah.

What are we coming to?

The days are fleeting, and we are but dust

A disaster of horrific proportions has struck the tiny, impoverished island nation of Haiti - an earthquake with at least a 7.0-magnitude. Here in the US we have our stories surrounding an unusually long cold spell. We worry about the orange and strawberry crops in Florida. It is nice to have concerns as simple as these. But how do you cope with unimaginable and devastating news? How do you even begin to cope if you are in the middle of death and chaos? It seems that each natural disaster that strikes our earthly orb simply wishes to one-up the last one. And of all places to strike - Haiti. It seems ridiculously pointless to ask "Why?" I don't think that there is a "why". It just is.

I've been watching the news, trying to wrap my mind around this tragedy. It strikes me how my mind has a way of reverting to old memories in my brain and ripping them out to freshly lay them down before me, all of them grievous memories. I lived in Venezuela at a time when we experienced a 6.9 earthquake of our own. I was not at the epicenter of the quake when it struck, but I did see a collapsed commercial building and a three-story school, crushed down to one level, held up only by apparently sturdy desks. I witnessed rescue workers digging through rubble looking for bodies and hopefully, survivors. In our home a crack snaked it's way down one of our walls. Our belongings were thrown off the shelves by the shock waves. Still, our house stood strong. We were very fortunate.

Trying further to understand, I am briefly reminded of another tragedy I’ve lived through. Virginia Tech is all that needs to be said. So I take these two memories, with all the horror and sadness they opened my eyes to, and yet as I try to hold them up to what is happening in Haiti, they fall drastically short. They seem to disappear. My ability to measure the depth of this tragedy feels horribly inadequate. Listening to the stories that are even now just coming in, I have to fight to keep back the tears.

As I said to my friend, it is in times like these that I especially look forward to the restoration and peace that will one day come to this earth. When we are overwhelmed, it is a gracious blessing to rest on the solid rock who is Christ. I hope and pray that the Haitian people will lean on our heavenly Father. In a report from the Samaritan’s Purse about the situation the first night, I read this: “Thousands of people gathered in public squares late into the night, singing hymns and weeping.”

Oh for the day that all the saints will gather together, singing hymns but yet weeping for joy.